I'm not doing this to hurt you....

... there seems to be much upheaval around the fact that I am not dating. I have gotten one, only one person who is supportive of my idea. Yes you all laugh when I explain it to you but only one supporter at the get go.

Just to clarify, I'm not dying or becoming a nun despite the low cost of living. I'm just not dating. Seriously I'm 27 and taking a time out, I cannot be that good at dating considering I'm single. I consider it more going down to the minors until I'm ready for the big leagues again. And yes LL I am not closing off to all possibilities if a nice one was to come along before 3/13. I am highly skeptical of that happening considering my track record as of late.... I do apologize that my blog will suffer.

However here are the conclusions I have come to why you are so concerned that my "adventures" are on hold

1. You're worried about me- HA!
2. You're worried there will be a lack of great stories
3. My bad dating stories make you feel good about your relationship
4. You're relationship is boring
5. You're single, and it makes you think "it could be worse"

Peace out bitches. I do have a small gem... I was talking to some married guy who was a professor and he wanted to ask me a personal question, play school girl.... gross play it with your wife

No means no.... yes even for you

My self imposed dating hiatus is off to a killer start. I have decided to stay out of the market until conditions improve or I come up with a better screening process. So until March 13th I'm out, upon which I will review and decide if the strike has ended. 17 days left. I blame my poor selection process for my position thus far... the way I see it is not your fault you are a selfish looser (did any one's parents teach them better?) but it is my fault for a) selecting you and b) keeping your ass around.

Upon hearing of my strike a good friend of mine puts his arm around me and looks deep into my eyes and says "So if I asked you out you would say no?"

"Yup, that's why its a dating strike"

"What are you doing next week?"

"Not dating"

"Are you using this time to explore your body?"

Laughter....

I'll Have the McNuggettini Please...

So I have found some major likes as of yet and wanted to pass them along...

• This is why you're fat - this site makes gross shit funny seriously a McNuggetini. No wonder Americans and their kids are fat asses
• The Time article with 25 People to Blame for the Economic Melt-down. Finally an article that shows there are many to blame for this mess from both sides...
• Finally another realty TV show that makes a girl smile. Not that pussy ass on The Bachelor whaaa. RuPauls Drag race! This fiercely competitive show is like Top Chef for Drag Queens. There are challenges, eliminations and at the very end the final two that are on the chopping block must "lip sing for their life" to stay in the game based on their performance! Amazing welcome back RuPaul welcome back!

On another note, still going strong on my boycott of dating which is probably why this blog is now lame... Bandit out.

OG Date

Here is the recap from my date with Old Guy, Not sure how old he really is but I would say he is not 37 like he claims to be. It should be stated that he was not my typical type but I liked talking to him on the phone and seemed like a gentleman who could carry on a conversation about something other than basketball and cum shots. My judgements will be broken down by how many Gin and Tonics he had. My drink count for the night 1 martini, 1 glass of red wine with my steak, 1 cucumber mojito

We arrive at the Oak Room in Boston at 5pm for cocktails old people like to eat early, clue one. This is one of the best steak houses in Boston.

0-2 Gin and Tonics

He is one gin and tonic a head of me he admits. We greet sit down and order another round of drinks. I am pleasantly surprised that the conversation is going so well. I kinda like the OG although he may not be very attractive or taller than me. We talk about work and find that our industries are compatible business wise. Having fun.

3-5 Gin and Tonics

We are having dinner, conversation still good. Witty banter, check. We order calamari as an appetizer side bar, men love to order calamari as an app the last 4 times I had dinner with a guy (who ate meat) they ordered it with enthusiasm. He is making odd toasts throughout the meal. About this being my most extravagant evening for the next week, our sarcastic laid back conversation and to fine dining. I am considering this nerves. However through out the conversation he is sprinkling in things he could do for me.... like business introductions, fine dining and premo-tickets to events. I find this odd and say don't you want me to like you for you? He looks confused. But the majority of the conversation is normal and interesting with a few odd ball comments. And he does ask a lot of questions which is making the conversation flow.
6-7 Gin and Tonics

Now the comments are making me a bit uncomfortable and OG has a major buzz. We have moved on to another cocktail back in the lounge. Pretty much he is doubling my drink intake. At this point he is doing some major selling to me. I assure him that I am having a nice time and hope to see him in the following week, hoping he will back off a bit. He is also alluding to sex and kissing which I don think needs to be talked about, you either feel it or you don't. He said that he wants me to know if I wanted him to buy me something other than jewelry he would. WFT Now he is officially using sales strategies to "close" me. Leading questions and a series of small closes are his choice for the evening. At this point we are going in so many circles I feel like I am talking to drunk AT in code. He wants to hang out in another location to get to know me better, and assures me sex is off the table. Gee thanks OG let me assure you sex was never on the table. I find a way to gracefully end the night...

The big question is what do I do now? I did have a nice time until he drank too much and lost his filter. I also feel odd like he is trying to buy me although I do need business contacts. Men use women all the time, could I do the same. I may be getting ahead of myself and should just give the guy a second chance based on nerves

(Writing this blog is unable to replicate the strange inflection in his voice during his 17 closing questions, sorry)

This Post will be Bitchy

So you've all been warned. First the date update with old guy will be coming very soon. Here is the bitch. The dentist stood me up on my birthday via text at approximately 5pm. Despite us having very clear plans to see a movie.

Friday.... no contact
Saturday... text saying happy v-day and we should talk face to face.
My text says no dice your actions said plenty... to which he replies I'm moving to Philly in the summer. This makes things much easier for me. No use in patching things up bye, bye whats the point. I am seriously considering posting his info here, I'm pretty sure that's the hate talking though.

Seriously my latest string of jerks makes me think that I am way too laid back and they think they don't have to have common courtesy. Unfortunately it is a lot of work for me to be high maintenance when it comes to dating, unlike Hurricane who could teach me plenty. So I guess I will have to finds someone else. The strange thing is most of them have all come back at some point. Actually I am taking a very calculated time out from all froms of dating. I guess the E's will have to wait.

Big irony though is that the cop was majorly sweet on my birthday (called, texted and offered to take me out for drinks) and also acknowledged valentines day, which he never did when we were together... I think he has some sort of radar...

Hey Fab I hope you had fun with Erin...

Its my birthday

Yup thats all I got.... well I actually have some really good stuff from my date with Old Guy but am too lazy to deal right now. Back to the cake...

O is for Over-sharing

Just got back from Atlanta... but have told most people that I will not be around today... a girl needs some breathing room.

I also in the spirit of my last date with shoe guy one of my new co-workers shared way too much about her life in the last 48 hours. It should be noted that none of my group had ever met her before and she has been hired in the last 6 months.

Things I don't need to know about my co-workers

1. your age/ weight and love for snickers
2. how much your divorce costs
3. you ex husbands annual spending
4. you ex husbands medical history
5. the nudist habits you have with your new "sweetie"
6. everything you don't like about people at the company
7. how the catholic church owes you business bc you paid for an annulment
8. how you collect wine glasses from every where you go- do 1.99 new years eve flutes from Publix count as an addition
9. dysfunctional views on 1st marriages, 2nd marriages and how most people online are married.

First Date Donts

With things uncertian and "complicated" with the dentist, instead of talking to him about it, I got some dates lined up.

Date one was last night was with a shoe salesman from Nordstroms. If I have to explain the appeal take a break and think about it real slow.

Here are some first date don'ts for you:

• keep your jacket on the whole date
• order way too much food so you can have lots of left overs - 2 XL pizzas for 2 people
• tell me how much money you make hourly and annually, more than once
• make a joke about drinking then, tell me you don't drink
• chew with your mouth open
• tell me you hate people who misrepresent themselves then be 2 inches shorter than you claim to be
• have frosted tips on your hair- people haven't done this in at least 10 years
• tell me about how much your car payment is
• not walk me to a car... giving the creepy guy a chance to cat call me while I walked to my car
• reach in for a kiss over the boxes of pizza

Survey says: Thanks for dinner

Its Complicated

Its official the Dentist is impossible to read, in fact he is harder to read than I am. Gasp.... Every time I set him free he comes back and really wants to hang out. I do like him but since I cannot get any read on the guy I might as well send him off before he ends things. However on Sunday he changed his relationship status from "single" to "its complicated" on FB. Well he's got that right.

Considering when I didn't hear back from him for over a week, I accepted the fade and got two dates lined up for next week.... Now what? One is health care consultant and the other sells shoes at Nordstroms. So maybe I am taking a break from the alphabet.

Not sure what to do about the Dentist. Also if he steps up for Vday does that mean we are really dating? I have a terrible Vday track record so I shouldn't put any stock into it. So complicated...

Unfit for...

OK well a few random things first yea Super Bowl.

Now a fun game:
How many things wrong can you find with the following story?

I was over at a friends house (single male) and he offered me a glass of wine to which I accepted. He does have good manners. However after he so kindly poured me a glass I realized it was White Zinfandel. I took a sip and made a "wow this is sweet face" and he asked if I was OK. I laughed and said I haven't had white zin in a while. I then asked if his mom was in town hoping to explain the white zin to which he replied no. For his sake I hope he is seeing someone that he hasn't told me about yet.

Also I find it funny when you notice certain people only call you after 8. When their cell phone minutes kick into nights... its called $99 sprint unlimited everything plan people

On a more random note the weather is making it harder to tire out my dog. So I have been bribing him with more and more peanut butter for a few moments of quite. Just another reason I would be an unfit parent.