How not to court/ attempt to date MBandit

Yes, I have been doing some banditing and dating as of yet, however I think a list of nots could be helpful to my online and real life suitors alike. Please note the I grew up in the south, and despite my northern location, they knew something about courtship and dating. And most importantly they had drive through beer barns and a wink with a smile meant you were 21.

1. If you are over 4o move along - and no big daddy I don't have any unresolved father/daughter issues that you can help me out with.... if I need a spanking it won't be from you
2. Yes I can see you like my photos, but if I cannot see yours I assume the worst. And am usually right! I do recognize that your said photos will 90% include the following: you w/o a shirt, your car with or w/o you in it, a pic from your web cam, and a sunset.
3. Us hanging out at a bar w/ a group of friends is not a date, its us hanging out at a bar. Nor does us chatting count as you asking me out, you have to ask me out.
4. If you stand me up and then blame it on me there is no round two.
5. When I tell you that I ride horses and you respond "I've got something you can ride..." I will tell you that I don't ride ponies. Yes that is the least creative response ever... seriously if I find a pony in your pants I will be pissed, you'll be a liar and I'll cop a feel and tell
6. Team jerseys are not acceptable date wear unless we are going to the game on a date. Or unless you are said athlete on the team then you can wear your own jersey, you've earned it. Who am I kidding like I could date Jason Varitek. And unless you look and play like him don't wear his jersey on my date. I once went on a date w/ a white free-style rapper who wore a Houston Rockets jersey on our date b/c he remembered I was from TX, Oak Lonetree was such a romantic. How many things are wrong with the above statement?
7. If you think that Jesus set us up as soul mates even though you live in Kentucky, stop now. Pretty sure that Jesus has a few other things on his to do list than find me a soul mate in KY. Maybe you have an in that I don't...

WTF Blogs have chain letters?

I seem to have been blog tagged. Which isn't that odd since I don't run unless being chased. Clearly I'm an easy effn target. So thanks The Good, the Bad and Semi-Literate for tagging me. But you do know how much like to rant so here it goes...

The Rules: lame - please bring a 9 iron, Johny walker black, pumps and a sense of adventure for this fucked up trip that will be this tag.

1. Link back to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog
2. Share 7 weird/random facts about yourself
3. Tag 7 random ppl at the end of your post and include links to their blogs
4. Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

7 Rando Tid bits

1. The majority of men in my life go by some sort of nickname. Not just in my blog pretty much everyone. My family actually refers to them by their nicknames. It helps w/ staying emotionally unavailable.

Mom -"Is the comic going to be around long enough for us to know his name?"

Bandit- "Probably not"

Mom- "OK as long as you are having fun"

2. I want to believe in love, but I'm not sure I'll find it. Till then I don't believe in love but I love day drinking

3. I do believe in the ish, unless you have "the talk with me" there is a good chance you are an ish and I'm dating other people. I live in the gray area and will most likely never bring up the "are we seeing other people talk"

4. Unless you are my bf the fade is a perfectly acceptable way to end things

5. For the first time I am going to give a guy a second chance. Against my gut, I may be falling down the rabbit hole. OK I'm diving head first down one, this may be my kryptonite

6. If your life and relationship status must be lived through facebook you are really insecure. I do love when only 1/2 of a couple says that they are in a relationship on networking sites.

7. I have good hair and I hate peas

Here is who's next - Sorry

Shirt or Dress

DEE

I think I'll have another

Adventures of an (Almost) Alhpa

Undercover Blonde

Homesick Texan

Dear Greer

A cop, a produce salesman and a dentist walk into a bar...

.... OK fine I wish I had a punch line for that intro but I find if funny that they are all on my outlook calendar for the next two weeks. So it seems that there are some new ponies trying to get in Bandit stable and I have the make out face to prove it.

I also need to stop going out... hello we are in an economic down turn and me going out 6 nights in a row is foolish. Besides the economy did not get any better with me going out.

I am going to a Bridal Party dinner on Saturday night, you know all couples. Here is the gem, Hurricane's sister is getting married (congrats!) and suggested that since she is single, she bring me has her date. Priceless. I can see it now 4 civilized couples out on the town and team Hurricane/MBandit causing a ruckus at the end of the table. This will be so fun, mostly because I love the couples and they find our antics funny. Give me a cocktail and an audience and let the show begin. Yahtzee!

You know, the one with the sailor

I don't know how this fits into blog rules but I got this email from AT, received 12:10 am, and it about sums all I have to say up.... the Bandits back!

"just wanted to let you know you've got a new title to go by. button and his wife donna were in town this weekend, so they stopped by the party last night. we were talking about the pub crawl and i told them i stayed with crazy a-----. (i'm sorry, it's just stuck.) donna asked who? and i said, a-----, with the long blond hair who you met on the pub crawl. and joe says: you know, the one with the sailor. and she goes, oh yeah, her! and then told 5 more people the story. just thought you'd appreciate the news you're making memories in other people's lives."

yes, yes, yes AT I do enjoy making memories in other people lives. I am considering putting that on a business card. (crazy a------, came from the very first time I met AT 'n' Friends and was having a soft core make out bandit session on the front lawn w/ some guy I didn't know. Amazing first impression. 4 years later still friends)

Cheers,
The one with the sailor

The Best Of Part 2

Yea you know you want it...

Mike-Grd

With a new... ion, a new world opens up

26 yo seeking 21-30

I have attended Berklee College of Music, traveled with the circus and have started my own full time business doing hypnosis shows and hypnotherapy work (it's very exciting). Hypnosis on stage and with helping people is my main gig right now, I also work on music projects with people as well. I live a fun life and make a living doing it! Within time I will find someone to join me. Moments pass by too fast to not act on them when the feeling is right...because once that chance is gone, it's gone. Just a little inspirational message. Sounds like you need to go back to the circus... maybe he could hypnotize me to want to date him... sweet woman hair buddy

Nickdog222

Looking to meet new people

26 yo seeking 20-27

What's going on. I was just looking at your profile thought I'd send you a message. My name is Nick and I'm from Worcester Mass. I would describe myself as someone who is laid back and easy to get along with. I'm a go with the flow kind ove guy. Love playing sports, Going to Games and Concerts, And pretty much doing anything outdoors. In the summer time I play in a Co Ed Softball league with a bunch ove my friends. I also like to Wakeboard, Jetsking, And going out on my family's boat in the summer time. My family and I are very close. They are a big aprt ove my life. On the weekends I like to hangout with friends. Wether it's going to a Bar, a Club, or just hanging out somewhere on the weekends. I generally like going out on the weekends but it's cool to stay in every once in a while and just watch a movie or a game or something. What I look for in a girl is someone who is cool to hangout with and someone who likes to have fun. And if you like sports that's a plus for me because I love sports. If sports arnt your thing that's cool too. Just looking for someone who is cool to hangout with and someone who likes to have fun. Remember this guy... sent the same email with the same inability to use spell check. FYI if cant spell "of" you don't get my love

LOVELIFE4EVA89

OUT FOR FUN

49 yo looking for 30-45 I'm not 30

I AM A VERY HONEST, CARING, SINCERE PERSON, AND EXPECT THE SAME FROM WHOMEVER I MEET... I REALLY LOVE LIFE, AND RELISH THE FACT THAT EVERYDAY IS A GIFT LIVING IT TO THE FULLEST. I HAVE A VERY POSITIVE ATTITUDE TOWARDS LIFE, AND TEND NOT TO BE CYNICAL AND PESSIMISTIC. USUALLY IF I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN I TEND TO BE VERY AFFECTIONATE...PERSON WHO TRIES TO PUT UNIMPORTANT NEGATIVE ISSUES ASIDE. WELL THERE IT IS! IF YOU ARE OUT THERE I HOPE YOU CONTACT ME. your trophies and love of caps lock make me dislike you

A run in that makes you go mmmmm

On my way back from walking the dog I ran into HandM's best friend walking down the street on her way to Soundbites. HandM is an ex-ex from a few years back who was way to high maintenance for me. Which then turned into crazy behind closed doors. Needless to say I tried to do public activities at the end of our relationship. Oh the time when my friends and I went to Oktoberfest and he and his friends were there and followed us around. Fun.

I digress, It should be said that I always had a feeling that Wendi hated me. Considering she lives less than one block away from my house it is odd I have only run into her one other time.

So we made our small talk, I was introduced to her friend. She told me that her bf just moved in, they started dating around the same time HandM and I did. I was told a story that once her bf would sat up in the middle of the night and watched her sleep, then professed his love when she woke up..... creepy.

Now we are about in front of my house and I ask how HandM is doing, and it turns out she doesn't know because they had a falling out and haven't spoken. Which is interesting and sad because I was always sure he loved her...

Double Date with DD

Last night I dragged Songbird with me on a double date with DD and his business partner T. What the hell DD is fun why not. Also, my dearest Songbird has never been 1) on a double date and 2) Never really ever gone out with someone she didn't already know. Pulease, seriously?! I love ya girl but you are missing out on the serious funness that can be dating. Songbird is pumped and ended up having a good time.... see dating strangers is fun. Also she realized that dates with guys just a bit older is nice. Not creepy 40s older but 30ish older makes a big difference than dating someone your own age.

Our date was fun other than the fact that the comedians wanted to crash it. Sorry boys you would have been socially awkward and you know it. So we had a couple of cocktails, a shot and I smoke a menthol cigarette, yuck. You know whats worse than a guy smoking... a guy who smokes menthols. Not to mention that I haven't smoked a menthol since my night club promoter days, when Pav and I would take a bunch of e before work, smoke menthols and suck on blow pops in a zebra mini skirt w/ fuck me boots. Oh the days of drugs and when you could smoke inside... my life makes me laugh

We ended up leaving DDT and met for a beer with the comedians to make nice... how diplomatic

Shonoquilla found a winner, I think

I went on a date with DD and it went well. The restaurant was closing early for Veterans Day (Thank you Veterans!) and we ended up in a divey bar but we weren't ready to call it a night just yet. Super fun good conversation. He is sarcastic, finds me funny, cute, and a bit random. Will see again, possibly this week. Cute double kiss goodnight. Me Likey!

It was nice to feel smiley and optimistic after a date.

Instead of my usual responses

• this is a rebound
• he's nice maybe I should try a second date/ this is the type I should date but have no interest in
• eh
• this guy should have come with a warning label

My glowy post date feeling has really only happened one other time since the cop and I ended things over the summer. wow typing that out loud is kinda sad. And with the "one other time" we never really took advantage of the "we should do this again." Oh well no harm no foul. See blogaritas the good dates are boring...

.... On to the rabbit hole that I'm peering over the edge of. So I sent the cop the customary "Happy Birthday" text that everyone I know gets, friends, Romans, country men, co-workers etc.

And instead of getting the "who's this" I was expecting I got way more than I bargained for. We texted a bit. Basically I have yet to respond to "are u dating anyone?" text.

Do I really want to play all the games again? Could this be different? Is this just a big payback scheme? Who says this texting will go anywhere? Who am I too assume he's single? What is the harm?

What about my good date with DD?

and for the record... yes you all told me so

I am boring w/o bad dates.. more best of the worst from True to come.

Passing the Torch...

I must say that after this weekend I may have to re-think my make out bandit status.... As I was more than shown up, I was schooled, spanked and served all in 48 hours. Now as I begrudgingly pass along my crown of bottle caps and dreams, I can only hope to step it up once again to reclaim my former glory! Also LL, I don't want to hear any bull shit about me maturing or growing up.

Friday, at The Burren, two college kids were having a soft-core porn mug down that lasted well over 10 minutes. Now in the back room at The Burren it is normal to see bandits in their natural habitat, cheap beers, cheesy cover-band and really dark and crowded. The kicker was their dedication to each other, there were dollars being thrown at them, at least 50 photos where a friend jumped in the shot, and a shout out from the band once they resumed their set. Also found a new drunk Chinese food place for when the bar closes, Kee Kar Lau.

Saturday brunch at Soundbites then it is off to the pub crawl at 2.

• Bar 1 Bell and Hand - Donate to Lupus and get dirty name tag (I need 2 Guys) - check
• Teach Hurricane what "hot dog down a hallway means" (it took two analogies and hand motion but she caught on)- Check
• Bar 2 Patty O's at capacity skip
• Bar 3 Hennessy's. See Miller light girls and switch to Miller Light for free shit. Yep very buzzed at 4pm.
• Gear collected was eye black, winter hats, koozies and QB arm bands that we wrote our own plays on. Including "Do not send to jail. Return to Somerville. Reward: Hand Jobs"
• Best Quote before 5pm- "If I had to get fisted, I would want it to be by a midget... think about it" well clearly you have. The dirty name tags are really a great conversation starter.
• 5PM head to the Boston College Tailgate w/ Hurricane, AT stays on the crawl (6 beers down)

At tailgate see all sorts of old friends, luckily most of my friends are early drinkers so it wasn't too obvious, I was on a pub crawl other than the Miller Light gear. Did a power hour in the rain, had jello shots and was too drunk to hit on anyone successfully. I am a very easily distracted drunk. Then the Steves found me...

I have bad luck with Steve's and need to quit them.

• Walking into the game I get a text from Big Steve, who I haven't heard from since I won a bet with, pay up ass
• During the game I find that Unicorn Steve (he was amazing) is looking for me at a bar. Our last two meetings were not good. Once he ran off a guy I was with. Then before that the other he was mad b/c I would hook up with him. YOU LIVE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND OF 4 YEARS! WE HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER IN 5. Stop tempting me. I decided not to go, because I would have said yes.
• Then I met another Steve on the way into the game, while stuffing beers and nips down my pants for the game. He was entered in my phone as "Steve Again." Hurricane said at one point during the game he tried to hold my hand and I looked at him and said "This is weird and dropped his hand." Peace out Steve

While Hurricane and I are flirting with each other and a blackout AT is taking the crown of TRIPLE BANDIT. Between the hours of 5 pm and 1am my crown was stolen, by someone who had Miller Light koozie on one hand and a beer in the other! BC wins over ND 17-0.

Such Kind Clients

I just had a customer respond to an email I wrote them about a deadline with just this:

"English, please"

Seriously, to you talk to all of your vendors like this? What a kind organization. Would you talk to my boss like this?

Ugh

The Weekend Ahead

I have been is some sort of odd anti-social funk this week and am sure the upcoming festivities will kick my ass back into gear. I'm sure its the weather and shorter days, this Texas transplant needs some sun!.

AT and Hurricane will be in town this weekend for the Boston Lupus Pub Crawl and the BC vs ND holy war football game. Now as I am going to attend both festivities the chances of getting a photo to match the one from last year are huge. (Last years photo is the one of me kissing the sailor) The pub crawl starts at 2pm in Fanuiel Hall and goes until 2am or you stop standing. AT who always takes the camera usually catches every shady amazing moment. Including and not limited to the sailor make out photo and some almost lesbian moment with Hurricane. Seriously can't a girl serve her country?

As far as the BC/ND rivalry you learn two things when you first get to Boston College.

1. How to get drunk at Who's on First or Who's on Who as no one has yet to get out of there with out a make out. Valid ID optional
2. That Notre Dame Sucks

So since the BC game is at 8pm here is my tentative schedule. Please note all times +/- 30 Min

• Breakfast at Soundbites
• 1pm depart for pub crawl
• 2pm get inappropriate name tag
• leave for tailgate 4:30
• 5:30 Arrive at tailgate
• 8 game starts
• post game ???? Will we still be standing? will we make it through half time?

Oh boy oh boy

So this will be fragmented and random just as a warning...

I had a moment yesterday when I realized that Hurricane has rubbed off on me, and not in a cherry chap stick rub on kind of way. I got a vm from DD and it was not only unexpected as I though he "sounded hot." What does that mean? Only that his voice is not freakishly high and has no apparent speech impediment.

It also means that if I go on a date with him that I will be back dating in alphabetical order minus GI Joe. Band Groupie, Cop, Comic, Cop, Drug Dealer (he paid for dinner so it counts as as date, right?) and now potently the Dominican Dentist... oh help me. Will I ever get to date a fireman?

As per my previous post, despite my average HS like time with GI Joe I contacted him and he was surprised to hear from me b/c he didn't think I was interested. Well.... I just told him I was nervous. Maybe November should be second chance month...

Also the produce salesman (have you all picked up he is a drug dealer?) keeps sending me texts in phonetic slang for example "Ay u wan hang1 these nites.Get sum derivery" We have nothing in common as I don't use even produce in addition to many other differences. Basically he likes giving me attention and I like getting it.

Also I brought the dog to vote, figuring he would get a walk out of it... Turns out we waited over and hour in line and he got to come in the voting booth. And people kept asking who he voted for. I did write him in for sheriff... I should find this odd but considering no one asked for any ID during the whole process, I figured lots of pets voted.

Lets just get this over with....

Yes today is voting day and I am so ready for it all to be over with. Yes our country is great and I do not take for granted all the liberties that I am allowed.

Perhaps one of the best things to come out of the continuous election hoopla is that SNL is funny again. So funny that NBC has put it on for the past few Thursdays and even last night for 2 hours. Good work Lorne Michaels, milk this election for all its worth.

I do have an eerie prediction that regardless of the outcome, it will be traced back to the passing of Obama's grandmother. For example, if he wins she will be credited for her strong spirit and if he looses it will be blamed on the distraction from the ailing grandmother. Let the woman rest....

Every time I vote I either try to go and cast my vote at a police or fire station b/c if I am going to wait in line, I might as well look at the scenery. Now it should be noted that my assigned voting station is in a nursing home and I am aware of this. But it is kinda nice playing dumb with the nice man in uniform asking where I vote.... wink, wink

Also, a lot of schools are closed today for safety reasons. During the primaries an old guy ran down some kids while trying to vote... Maybe we should add a fourth question to the ballad about the elderly driving.

Hallowierd Weekend

My dearest apologies to Hurricane that I did not post anything on Friday as it made her train ride seem long.

So on Thursday I had my date with GI Joe, it was nice and he was cute. Actually he kind of reminded me of my high school boyfriends, which was fun. He did though seem to love chain restaurants, like my HS boyfriends. He was shocked with I said "I'm not picky as long as we don't go to Chilli's," he thought it was sarcasm. However we did end up at tacky gem called Rainforest Cafe. The date was nice ended well and we might get together this week.

He was cute, sarcastic and was an Agnes type crossed with my HS BF Curtis. Agnes was the bartender on our family vacation, the back story is too long maybe another time. I'm thinking dating an Agnes might be good for me.

Friday for Halloween I went to a party dressed as Bristol Palin. You know the prego daughter. Unfortunately, the other guests at the party were a little slow on the up take and it took while to click. Also it didn't help that the dog chewed a hole in the baby's head, it actually did help. It is always fun to drink for two! The party was overall eh and were not eligible for a high score considering they ran out of two kegs by 12:30.

Also Ticket Guy, who I haven't heard from since he moved to Hoboken (sorry NYCers not sure if that is spelled correctly) sent me a drunken text asking when I was coming to visit so we could have a threesome. Hurricane and I agreed to a threesome for season tickets to the Redsox, the tickets would have to be transferred to our name, clearly. Come on we all have a price.... I wonder what he got for seats? Who are you kidding you'll be line to come to a game.

Also today after volunteering today I went and had some BBQ with the Produce Salesman. Pretty easy and G- rated weekend... Brrr its cold.