Since I've been gone... I can breathe for the first time

Here is the cliff's notes of me being MIA over the Thanksgiving holiday.

On Tuesday I stayed over w/DD played a little slap'n'tickle and found his porn collection. Here is how it went down.
MB- "Hey are you downloading porn?"
DD- "Yea"
MB- "Ooooh, let me see what you got"

Come on you all have seen it and most of you have your own, lets not play dumb here, unless its some schoolgirl fantasy dress up thing. The best part was that he has them organized in folders by hair color.... amazing, I would have it organized by type

Now we watch two of 18yo porns and it was eh, not keepers. However one was really strange where instead of the guy finishing on the girls face, why do you all love this, she takes out a handy black plate and he cums on that. Then the girl wipes it up with her fingers and consumes it that way. SOOO weird. Who keeps dishes handy?

Wednesday- The cop is now relentless. After he stood me up on Sunday I ignored him and his constant texts. "What are you mad at me sexy" Yes it should be obvious by my lack of response. Also standing me up does not make a very good case for us to get back together...
Songbird gives me a ride to the airport and I quickly become mayor of the bar before my flight, what a great way to start the holiday!

Thursday!- Saturday- I made pie and the apple was perfect! The crust was flaky and it didn't fall when cut! Watch tons of football, Go Cowboys, Go BC Eagles and Hook 'em Horns. Hey BCS Texas beat OU on neutral territory 45-35, do the math. Hung out and drank with the family, I still hold the Bloody Mary Championship title. And in case you were wondering my family is full of smart asses and ball busters like me, so come prepared with a thick skin. My brother is dating a crier which is amazing b/c when she cries he just yells at her saying "what are you doing? what am I supposed to do with this?"

Saturday night red eye to Boston my flight has been changed and I now have 2+ hours to kill. See me at the bar drinking large Fat Tires and falling in love with the Alabama fan Brent in Security. Witty football banter, southern charm, beer, beer, beer w/$3 shot sidecar and a mutual fear of commitment I could totally ish this guy!

Sunday is here and I have a nice case of Strep throat. My doctor, Stephen Anderson, with the rat tail from the walk-in the Seattle clinic gave me vicodon and antibiotics for. Hippies in Seattle, if I was feeling myself I would have requested a doctor with a more current haircut. I am pretty sure I have been way over prescribed of both meds but I'll take it.

Today has come and I am no longer contagious.... and the cop keeps texting and DD will be out of town next week... I am so weak

Passing the Torch...

I must say that after this weekend I may have to re-think my make out bandit status.... As I was more than shown up, I was schooled, spanked and served all in 48 hours. Now as I begrudgingly pass along my crown of bottle caps and dreams, I can only hope to step it up once again to reclaim my former glory! Also LL, I don't want to hear any bull shit about me maturing or growing up.

Friday, at The Burren, two college kids were having a soft-core porn mug down that lasted well over 10 minutes. Now in the back room at The Burren it is normal to see bandits in their natural habitat, cheap beers, cheesy cover-band and really dark and crowded. The kicker was their dedication to each other, there were dollars being thrown at them, at least 50 photos where a friend jumped in the shot, and a shout out from the band once they resumed their set. Also found a new drunk Chinese food place for when the bar closes, Kee Kar Lau.

Saturday brunch at Soundbites then it is off to the pub crawl at 2.

• Bar 1 Bell and Hand - Donate to Lupus and get dirty name tag (I need 2 Guys) - check
• Teach Hurricane what "hot dog down a hallway means" (it took two analogies and hand motion but she caught on)- Check
• Bar 2 Patty O's at capacity skip
• Bar 3 Hennessy's. See Miller light girls and switch to Miller Light for free shit. Yep very buzzed at 4pm.
• Gear collected was eye black, winter hats, koozies and QB arm bands that we wrote our own plays on. Including "Do not send to jail. Return to Somerville. Reward: Hand Jobs"
• Best Quote before 5pm- "If I had to get fisted, I would want it to be by a midget... think about it" well clearly you have. The dirty name tags are really a great conversation starter.
• 5PM head to the Boston College Tailgate w/ Hurricane, AT stays on the crawl (6 beers down)

At tailgate see all sorts of old friends, luckily most of my friends are early drinkers so it wasn't too obvious, I was on a pub crawl other than the Miller Light gear. Did a power hour in the rain, had jello shots and was too drunk to hit on anyone successfully. I am a very easily distracted drunk. Then the Steves found me...

I have bad luck with Steve's and need to quit them.

• Walking into the game I get a text from Big Steve, who I haven't heard from since I won a bet with, pay up ass
• During the game I find that Unicorn Steve (he was amazing) is looking for me at a bar. Our last two meetings were not good. Once he ran off a guy I was with. Then before that the other he was mad b/c I would hook up with him. YOU LIVE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND OF 4 YEARS! WE HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER IN 5. Stop tempting me. I decided not to go, because I would have said yes.
• Then I met another Steve on the way into the game, while stuffing beers and nips down my pants for the game. He was entered in my phone as "Steve Again." Hurricane said at one point during the game he tried to hold my hand and I looked at him and said "This is weird and dropped his hand." Peace out Steve

While Hurricane and I are flirting with each other and a blackout AT is taking the crown of TRIPLE BANDIT. Between the hours of 5 pm and 1am my crown was stolen, by someone who had Miller Light koozie on one hand and a beer in the other! BC wins over ND 17-0.

The Weekend Ahead

I have been is some sort of odd anti-social funk this week and am sure the upcoming festivities will kick my ass back into gear. I'm sure its the weather and shorter days, this Texas transplant needs some sun!.

AT and Hurricane will be in town this weekend for the Boston Lupus Pub Crawl and the BC vs ND holy war football game. Now as I am going to attend both festivities the chances of getting a photo to match the one from last year are huge. (Last years photo is the one of me kissing the sailor) The pub crawl starts at 2pm in Fanuiel Hall and goes until 2am or you stop standing. AT who always takes the camera usually catches every shady amazing moment. Including and not limited to the sailor make out photo and some almost lesbian moment with Hurricane. Seriously can't a girl serve her country?

As far as the BC/ND rivalry you learn two things when you first get to Boston College.

1. How to get drunk at Who's on First or Who's on Who as no one has yet to get out of there with out a make out. Valid ID optional
2. That Notre Dame Sucks

So since the BC game is at 8pm here is my tentative schedule. Please note all times +/- 30 Min

• Breakfast at Soundbites
• 1pm depart for pub crawl
• 2pm get inappropriate name tag
• leave for tailgate 4:30
• 5:30 Arrive at tailgate
• 8 game starts
• post game ???? Will we still be standing? will we make it through half time?

Seeing a Therapist.... I'll just get waxed instead

So I got my Brazilian for the month... and it got me thinking, scary I know. That my monthly waxing is quite similar to what I imaging talking to a therapist would be like. Granted I have never been to a therapist but many of my friends have and speak very highly of the experience. I'm not sure what the proper term is therapist, shrink, psychologist....

Anyways....Karen, of Karen Golden Skin Care in Boston, she is like my shrink in a way. I have been seeing her for about 6 years. She gives me encouragement, knows about the revolving door of men in my life before most people do and provides an outlet for frustration. Also I always feel better when I leave and it takes less than 30 minutes.

Due to the economy, I will keep using my waxer as my therapist. I recommend you try it, besides the less Bush out there the better!


Weekend Follow Ups:

1. Had my date on Friday with Daddy Starbucks... it was nice and only nice, just no umph :(
2. I found out Lilly's owners name from the dog park, he brought coffee on Sunday for everyone
3. Go Eagles! Nice BC win over VTech
4. Have talked to Super Stop 'n ' Shop on the phone and he is a scary mouth breather into the receiver. I wanted to ask if he was OK
5. I have given The Kid the shake as he turned out to be creepy by suggesting I "come over to his place so he can cook me dinner for our first date.... then I am sure you will want to fuck me" nope