False.com

So since my week trial was up at True.com, called to cancel. The operator picked up and asked "how can i help you find love today?" I laughed out loud into the receiver. After telling him I would like to cancel b/c everyone lives so far away. Far away is code for illiterate, non-spell checking, thug life, older midgets who insist on having at least one photo w/o a shirt. He then checked out my profile and says how hot I am and that he can't really believe that I'm single. Thanks operator, thanks. So he gives me two more weeks.

The same day "notonlockdown" has sent me yet another wink. (Pictured) What about my profile says I want to date a recently released from jail, Hispanic gang-banger? Doesn't he know I'm still in my cop phase despite my best efforts.

I have advanced to phone chat with the Wizard Cop who lives in Bedford. I am not sure where that is but the guy is so strange I can't stop talking to him. He plays this grown up nerd game where adults (I assume mostly men) dress up like medieval times and act out things in character for a weekend. I picture it as a Lord of the Rings/King Richards Fair/ Dungeons 'n' Dragons scavenger hunt. I bet there is a huge virgin count in group. Here is the website knightblades.net you are welcome.

His pros include: being a cop, he went to culinary school, has a boat

Also he has pre-written questions to keep the phone conversations moving, here is a sampling.

1. How do you feel about tattoos?


2. Do you drink wine?


3. How would you describe yourself sexually a) reserved b) adventurous c) freak


4. How many serious relationships have you had?


5. What are your "go to" moves to seduce a man?

.... also more comic updates to come.

5 Year Class Reunion Comitte

So I signed up to be on another committee, I can't stop. And I get to pick people from college who I get to personally call and harass for money. Here are my criteria in order of who I am selecting, also we have to put a reason why we want to call them.

1. We hooked up or made out in a bar that I can remember
2. I wanted to hook up with you but didn't... yet
3. I think we hooked up. I would like some clarification with your donation
4. Friends
5. Roommates

Realty Stars Unite

Did anyone else read, in a clearly reputable magazine, that Jennifer Hudson accepted a MARRIAGE proposal from Punk. We know Punk from I Love New York Season 2. What!?

Uneventful Weekend

So despite that the hurricane was in town neither of us made out with strangers or acquaintances, disappointing I know. Here are a few highlights that we could remember...

1. I have been the chosen grandchild to provide great grandchildren before my grandparents die. My other cousin gets to walk their dog. They tried to set me up with a cousin on the other side of the family...

2. Hurricane met a guy, short Clay Akin and Tom Petty cross, whose big accomplishment was writing a book about all the fat ugly people he has banged over the years called "Slam Pig." She also had the same name as his gf. None the less they had a lot in common. By the end of the night Akin Petty says he feels a connection with her. Hurricane reminds him that he probably confusing her with his gf because they have the same name. He agrees.

3. I am introduced to Bigg Nez who with in 15 seconds has a lot of interview like questions.
"Do you date brothas? I have before
What do you think? Just like the other guys I date
Have they ruined your credit? No, blank stare, I usually chew them up and spit them out before it gets to that point.
Oh well if they did I would apologize on behalf of all black men. Do you want to come see my show?"

Also at breakfast a man wearing only a bathrobe sat down and opened his legs. Hurricane saw. At late night humping drunk couple fell out of a chair, I saw her Brittney. They should be friends

The Boston Comedy Festival

So I have been hanging out with the local Boston comedy scene for a month or so and have come to a few conclusions. I LOVE THEM

Comedians are an untapped dating market. First it is a male dominated industry. For every 10 males there is one female comedian. Also they are funny, which if you are going to be on a bad date they might as well make you laugh. Also they love the booze.

They do lack in self confidence w/ girls over all, I think. Basically you will have to make the first move b/c they will not, but they will tell people you know that they like you. Which is bad for me since I don't like to make the first move.

At first you will need to be introduced to the same people 7 times before it clicks. And they will ask "do you do comedy?" and when you answer no they will be confused. I still don't get it. From now on my answer will be "No, but I do comedians" Be warned of the non-stop talker comedian, its exhausting and usually the big talkers aren't exactly the best at backing it all up. Lesson learned.

Overall this is the best new group of people to hang out with. Super nice and fun. Maybe I should do stand-up... Even if I don't make out w/ anymore of them (who am I kidding) they are keepers!

On-line hell

So per the recommendation of a co-worker who found a relationship of off True.com I am currently trying my 7 day trial. I am a bit broke and could use a few dates to get by.

Here are a few of my options according to True, by the way I took way to many personality surveys to find these tool bags. As far as I can tell their typical client is cheese balls from the North Shorah...

cre8openminds
"About me:
Always Horny, Optimistic, Easy Going, Funny, Intelligent "

pbomb

"i'm a go geter and i want to make my mark someday!!"

Looks like its going to be along week...

This may be a sign

... that I cried over work before 7 am

Maybe I should look for a new job.

Bad Ideas.... Hopefully Not Bad Decisions

So despite a fun time in Chicago I am quite restless.... and for the first time ever am thinking of calling my exes! Yes, I know it is a slippery slope, but I don't think it is always too much to ask for guaranteed satisfaction. Besides, its nothing new that I tend to be emotionally disconnected, time to use it to my advantage.

Besides I'm in my new dating phase, not to be confused with my be a drunken make out bandit tease stage. And the dating phase requires work to get to the good stuff if at all. And its a 80/20 that neither drunken rando or some guy I'm dating will be sure thing by the time I get there...


UPDATE 7:45 PM

I called an ex ish....

8 Minute Dates

Here is a bit of humor at my expense. Took Place on 9/9

So some how I went to 8 minute dating last night. And when I say somehow... I organized it for a few of my single friends, who had been complaining lately. After a long summer of the make out bandit running free, I decided to get responsible and start dating. Now of course I have no idea what I want in a relationship or do I plan on having one but dating is better than making out w/ drunk strangers. Anyways the event was down town and it was sooo funny, I highly recommend it as something to do, but bring a friend. I ended up going with two stand up comedian friends, who claim they were "looking for material." (One already complained about the lack of matches)

You can now call me Andrea 400

So here are my dates: I only got 7 instead of 8 b/c of the no shows - Should have been a warning!

Peter! 207- Tall foreign unattractive and boring. A very long eight minutes. However he did tell me about his ex and their vacation to Thailand, the hates the city and the beach. It also should be noted that he wore his name tag on his arm. Where as I wore my on my chest so to make it awkward. No match it was hard for me to care about carrying the conversation.

C 200 - One of the guys I came with..... after scanning the room looking like a winner. However he has been telling a lot of tea bagging jokes. I'm not really into that for an eight minute date.... at least an hour (C200 predicted that M208 would clean up at this b/c he looks good on paper, lives's in Beacon Hill good job ect)

Alex 210- About 5'10 a bit balding, hairy and skinny. He is wore jeans and a button down, normal, however his undershirt is bright green. He lets me know that he is unemployed and lives in Natick. He is easy to talk to, he was doing sales, and will have plenty of time for me. Despite he asked if I was financially secure?! Match!

Scott 209- Writer, small person who brought and old school jean jacket not as a joke. No Match. He did leave with a girl he met...

There was break where the comedians and I ran to the bar for drinks. Then we made fun of the situation probably a little too loud. When the break was over we all put our hands in the middle and did a little go team cheer before starting again. Just what I needed.

Koji 203- Small, Asian, possibly a woman. Unfortunately he was the most interesting and I didn't have to carry the conversation! He's works at Brown Univ. is putting out a movie on how the Vietnam War would have been different if JFK hadn't been shot. And sells real estate in Toronto. The movie is coming out this weekend in NY. I did put him down as a Friend Match

Mike 201- Doctor. No I'm not a gold digger but I am trying to date in alphabetical order these days and it is a natural progression after the banker, cop and comic. He had the best understanding of sarcasm and was the easiest to talk to. Also he laughed when I made an inappropriate emergency room joke, instead of giving me the blank stare. Match.

OK at this point I am tired of carrying all of the conversations and am sad that no one is catching on to my sarcasm first time around and/or ignoring my dirty innuendos. Then all of may dating prayers are answered with David 204...

David 204 - 5'11 pale, light hair, approx 275lbs, khakis, and an orange sherbet colored polo, and a little fem. So he sits down and says lets not ask questions 1 or 2. I guess there "helper" questions if you get stuck, who knew. I said lets not use any of them and get real crazy. His first questions was "If you could have any super power what would it be?" (Jackpot) So I said x ray vision so I could look at private parts all the time. He wanted time continuum powers.... Blank stare... so I let him ramble about that. Next question "What kind of TV to you watch?" I said any bad realty TV show especially the ones on VH1. Screw trying to impress this guy. It turns out he won season 4 of Beauty and the Geek! LLLLOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE! So I asked if the girls is a dumb as they seem, he said yes, but "they aren't dumb they just haven't been trained" MATCH I wonder what he did with the prize money?

M 208 - My other friend I went with, looking more available by the minute.. However we were laughing so loud during our 8 minuets we got dirty looks. (M208 predicted that C200 will sleep with at least two girls from this event)

So over all most of the girls that attend the event were way better than the guys, they were cute and perky and nice. Guys you will clean up. According to the guys here is what they had, the HR girls, Jew bitch/ Philly, deaf girl, weird girl, Holly, Holly's friend. M207 said he pick all the girls for a second date except deaf girl

UPDATE 9/12

None of us have matches other than each other... Lesson learned wait to mock the situation until everyone is gone.