How not to court/ attempt to date MBandit

Yes, I have been doing some banditing and dating as of yet, however I think a list of nots could be helpful to my online and real life suitors alike. Please note the I grew up in the south, and despite my northern location, they knew something about courtship and dating. And most importantly they had drive through beer barns and a wink with a smile meant you were 21.

1. If you are over 4o move along - and no big daddy I don't have any unresolved father/daughter issues that you can help me out with.... if I need a spanking it won't be from you
2. Yes I can see you like my photos, but if I cannot see yours I assume the worst. And am usually right! I do recognize that your said photos will 90% include the following: you w/o a shirt, your car with or w/o you in it, a pic from your web cam, and a sunset.
3. Us hanging out at a bar w/ a group of friends is not a date, its us hanging out at a bar. Nor does us chatting count as you asking me out, you have to ask me out.
4. If you stand me up and then blame it on me there is no round two.
5. When I tell you that I ride horses and you respond "I've got something you can ride..." I will tell you that I don't ride ponies. Yes that is the least creative response ever... seriously if I find a pony in your pants I will be pissed, you'll be a liar and I'll cop a feel and tell
6. Team jerseys are not acceptable date wear unless we are going to the game on a date. Or unless you are said athlete on the team then you can wear your own jersey, you've earned it. Who am I kidding like I could date Jason Varitek. And unless you look and play like him don't wear his jersey on my date. I once went on a date w/ a white free-style rapper who wore a Houston Rockets jersey on our date b/c he remembered I was from TX, Oak Lonetree was such a romantic. How many things are wrong with the above statement?
7. If you think that Jesus set us up as soul mates even though you live in Kentucky, stop now. Pretty sure that Jesus has a few other things on his to do list than find me a soul mate in KY. Maybe you have an in that I don't...