Best Bad Dates

So I've entered Dear Greers best bad date contest, and have decided to share my entries with you. Mind you these were actual proper dates, not hook ups, parties or bar events. I was asked out, in the old fashion kind of way. Today I will give you my first entry and tomorrow my second...

Hummer me this, Hummer me that...

So I met John (cant really remember his name) while I was working at a contractor event. (I sold building supplies for a few years). He basically chatted about my product and was trying to get free tools from me, like every other cheap ass that shops at the Home Depot. He took my card and left in his truck. And I thought nothing of it.

Over the next few days he would call with stupid questions about building shit that I am pretty sure he already knew the answer to; then would sneak in a personal question. How old are you? Are you single? Where do you live? At this point he asks me out and I cannot remember what he looks like except he is tall. I say yes.

We agreed to go out on a Tuesday and he going to pick me up, mistake number one. He shows up, I am wearing a standard 1st date outfit jeans, heels cute top. He is wearing stonewashed tapered jeans and a heather gray Harley Davidson t-shirt. He also is driving a white hummer, not the cute H2 kind but the early 90s Terminator style with an American flag on the antenna.

So we go to a pretty fun restaurant down town. The conversation is flowing and I am having a nice time. Then based on the conversation and the stories about what he has done over the years, 20 year old daughter, 15 years with the CIA, I am guessing he is way older than I think. And he is missing 3 fingers on his left hand. I refuse to ask how old he is even though he keeps telling me how young at heart he is. Then he tells me. He was 45 and I was 23; age is only a number so he says. Stop dating your daughter perv.

Diner ends I'm drunk and uncomfortable. We go for drinks to the romantic top of the hub. I order vodka and he orders a white Russian. Now John tells me he would like to see more of my chest and that I shouldn't hide it. I order another drink and ignore him. Next he asks if he can smell me. I now mock him but he keeps asking for a sniff.

On the way home his hummer breaks down on the main highway and we are causing quite the traffic back up. Miraculously he has the appropriate car part and fixes it in the road. Quite the man's man. When he is done and stinking of car, he sneak leans in and takes a giant sniff of my neck, and make a gross smiley sex face. I start laughing at how uncomfortable I am.

We get to my apartment and he is trying lure me in for kiss with small talk and googlie eyes. No kiss goodnight I tripped out of he fuckin hummer and ran for the door. He called, and told me the ball was in my court and how he felt a connection, but it was up to me to decide how I felt about the age difference. I told him I was OK with his age but the sniffing was my limit.